As I come out of the haze, I’ve been in in 2020 reinventing myself comes to the forefront. I feel a sense of completeness in my life like I’ve never felt before. I am creatively charged which also fills my soul.
Two weeks ago, I wrote a blog about reinventing yourself after a loss. My high school friend, Jerry, was a fan of my blog. I was struggling with his passing until the pastor at his funeral said he did not want his mother to have to bury him. That made it all clear. Everything is in divine time; I’ve experienced this frequently.
Two months before my grandfather’s death 30 years ago Mike and I had moved to grandpa and grandma’s farm because his hired man had gotten hurt and couldn’t work. We had also lost a landlady and the land that Mike and his dad rented so there wasn’t as much work here. In the week before he died grandpa had set Mike up as operator of the farm, completed the process to get natural gas at the farm, and finalized the getting central heat and air in the farmhouse. It was as if he said I have everything done here. As we called people to tell them of his death, I was surprised at how many of them said they hadn’t heard from him for quite some time, but he had called them within the last two months.
The feeding tube that Mike had for a little over two years was causing too much pain and we were working with the doctors to see if we could get him to be able to get enough nutrition by mouth. In the interim he had been getting his nutrition via IV, it had been a little over six months. The last time I took Mike to the emergency room he was in a lot of pain. The ER attendant was ready to send him home until I told him that his oxygen levels were not normally that low, then he spiked a temperature, and the decision was made to keep him. The next day was my last chemo treatment so I had dad take me to Hays. We returned, I uploaded my blog and went over to see Mike. He was grumpy but other than one of the ports on his PICC line being plugged he seemed to be alright. We talked and I went home for the night. The next morning, they called to tell me he was intubated, and they were flying him to KU Med Center. I’ve always felt like he wanted to see me through treatment, but his body didn’t have enough left to fight this infection so he was only able to see me through the chemo stage.
As I turned out of the cemetery after Jerry’s service and looking for Mike’s grave, I felt a wave of completeness come over me. I had been talking to Mike as I drove out. I’m complete here in Oakley. I’m complete for 2020. It’s time to move on.
I’m ready to shed the energy of 2020 and create a new version of myself. Unload all my baggage and move forward.
Everything I do from this moment forward will be toward reinventing myself. I will put down the busyness of doing and replace it with being. Being in the moment. Noticing the moon and the stars, the sounds around me, and being present for whatever life brings me. All the while being in forward movement.
In 2021 I will invite more laughter into my life, bringing joy back. Laughter nourishes the soul and frees the body.
Do you feel like you’ve been in a haze this year? Join me for a Gestalt group to shake the energy of 2020 and come into 2021 feeling refreshed. Connect with me here or schedule an exploratory call by clicking the button below.
It’s time to stop hiding like the king in the Closet Chronicles.
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Onward!
