I used to do my best work after the boys went to bed. Now I’m having trouble staying awake until John gets home from his school activities.

Sunrise over Kansas City from a hospital room at KU Med Center. I don’t see many sunrises now.

I’ve always been a night owl. It felt like I didn’t really wake up until about 6:00 pm. Then I had boys and horses to feed, dishes to do, and boys to get in the bath/shower and to bed. So, I would often sit down to work on things after they went to bed. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to sleep or would wake up and not be able to get back to sleep until I got up and worked out whatever was in my head.

Now once my head hits the pillow I’m asleep and nothing seems to keep me from it. Sometimes I’m falling asleep even before I get to bed.

A few weeks ago, a friend posted this on their FaceBook timeline: “People who can fall asleep quickly, freak me out. I mean, don’t they have thoughts?” To which I replied, “No, just exhausted.”

When we came home from the Mayo Clinic in 2014 we took 2 days to drive home and I took the next day (Monday) off. I still didn’t feel back up to speed until Thursday. I had become emotionally dehydrated.

Pre-dawn in Kansas City from a hospital room at KU Med Center.

That was the first of many experiences like that. There were times we drove to Kansas City (350 miles) every week. Then there was the fall that we went to Houston four times in four months with trips to Kansas City in between. I remember being at meetings at work and asking if I was there for something when the others were reminding me of something I had said.

Now I have a whole different level of fatigue. I don’t know how people continue to work while going through chemo and radiation. I was blessed to not have to and maybe that’s why I had such an easy time.

But I haven’t had to make a trip to Kansas City in two months and still, I am falling asleep at 7:00 or 8:00 (not in bed, just falling asleep). A lot of the stress in my life has been relieved and still, I’m tired.

Just another western Kansas sunset

I used to feel like it was good if I got six hours of sleep a night. Now I’m averaging eight. But I don’t feel any more rested.

I’m looking forward to being six months to a year out of treatment, so my life can get back to normal. Whatever normal is.

For now, I will learn how to manage my time better, so I don’t feel like I must write a blog post in the evening. For now, I will not procrastinate so I must push hard to get things done so that I’m totally exhausted. For now, I’ll learn how to manage my fatigue to get the most done in the time I feel the best.

Ain’t Going Down ‘Til The Sun Comes Up is not my way of life anymore!

Onward! Home For Christmas

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