Those of you that have known me for a while know that most of my life I’ve had long brown hair. Well mostly brown the last few years I’ve had to help it stay brown.

Even as a baby I had thick brown hair.

I’ve considered it one of my best features and I loved having the ability to wear it up or down depending on what I was doing and my mood.

The prospect of losing it made me sad. I knew for about six weeks that I would have the kind of chemo that would likely make it fall out. At night as I brushed it I would look in the mirror thinking how much I would miss it and feeling grateful for it but if it was to be it would be.

I had doctors tell me it would fall out anywhere from immediately to about two weeks into treatment. My first four treatments were two weeks apart, so I didn’t know if that meant two weeks or after two treatments.

I had started using a shampoo and conditioner that was supposed to increase the thickness of your hair about two months prior to starting treatment to see what might happen.

I had treatments on Wednesdays and on the Monday prior to the second treatment I thought I lost a little more hair than normal in the morning. It wasn’t significantly more but definitely more. Tuesday, I lost a little more and by Wednesday morning I was positive. I was losing it!

As a teenager looking across the Grand Canyon.

The lady at the treatment center who helps with hats, wigs and such agreed. It was coming out. She suggested that I not wash or brush it as that would only hasten the hair loss. Since we were leaving for appointments at KU Med Center following that treatment I went to her shop and got a few head coverings in case I needed them.

I hate not washing my hair but for the next few days I didn’t. I only ran my fingers through it and put it up in a clip. We got home Friday night and I was so tired that I slept all day on Saturday, so it didn’t get washed that day either.

By Sunday I couldn’t stand it. Into the shower I went. It came out by the handfuls. Being long and brown our trash can was about half full of hair by the time I was done.

On Monday morning I lost more than I thought I could possibly have left and that was the end of being out without some sort of head covering. I still had some long straggly hair that I couldn’t get it cut off until the next Saturday.

We decided that even though it was very thin we would leave what hair was still there and went about cutting off the length. I still had bangs if I wanted to peek out from under my coverings but thought it would all come off after the next treatment.

November 30, 2017 taking pictures at a park in Lawrence, KS

That didn’t happen. I’ve now had the fourth treatment and the last of the ones they said would cause hair loss and I still have thin short hair and I think it’s growing. One of the doctors said that it would start to grow back while I was having radiation, so it really makes me wonder if I’ve done something right or maybe the chemo isn’t as effective as it could be. I’m going with my hair is resilient just like me!

Now at night, I feel like I need to take it down and brush it or put it up off my neck and on the pillow. Then I remember I don’t have enough.

I miss my Hair but it will be interesting to see how it grows back.

Onward. Decisions.

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