My goal is to have peace, joy, and ease throughout my life. This would create a harmonious life.
This morning as I write this there is a storm raging outside. Dalila is terrified of storms. She woke me just before 6:00 am. I was going to sleep a little longer and now I’m glad I didn’t. The mares hadn’t come in last night, so I got dressed, got them in, and fed all the horses. I would have been feeding in the rain this morning had everything gone as planned. This is a storm I wasn’t expecting, the weather app hadn’t forecast it.
It seems that with every storm there have been high winds. I’ve been without power at least three times since the horses were moved on June 21. I’m up on a hill and I suppose that the wind feels more forceful here. Every time I leave the ranch, I notice more trees that have been uprooted and branches on the ground. I guess it’s not only up on the hill where the wind blows.
“All was right with the world” when Mike was fishing.
When I was caregiving for Mike it felt like we were in a constant swirling storm. There were times of calm, and the next raging storm was right around the corner. Our lives can be like that. Sometimes we can predict the storms and sometimes they come from nowhere.
In February 2015, he got sick, so we went to the walk-in clinic at his primary care office. He had the flu, something common. Because of his depleted immune system, they put him in the hospital. Everyone who would have contact with other patients would put on a gown, mask, and gloves. He was in the hospital in Colby for about 10 days then he came home.
About two-and-a-half days later he was sick again. This time we had to go to the emergency department. He had another strain of flu. The provider asked if we would like him to call a specialist in Denver. No, he’s established with a pulmonologist at KU Med Center already, please call him. It was late Friday afternoon and it looked as if a storm was coming, so they were talking about transferring him to KU. They had no beds there so Saturday morning they transferred him to Hays. This was because they didn’t want him to be stuck in Colby if he crashed. They couldn’t deal with a major event if one happened. He was at Hays for about a week and again came home.
In late March he had appointments with four specialists at KU Med Center. He got through the first two easily. Then we went to see the pulmonologist. He said he thought Mike should not be having as many symptoms as he was so ordered a chest CT and wouldn’t let us go see the fourth doctor. Then he admitted Mike and he was there for a week. This was the first of many hospital stays at KU Med Center. Usually, we’d call about something and they would say we need to investigate further, come check in. This is how I know it was 350 miles from my driveway to KU Med Center and it took five hours if I didn’t stop to eat on the way.
During those years I longed for more peace and harmony and took it where I could get it. Honestly, it was much easier for me when he was an inpatient at KU. I didn’t have any decisions to make about where to spend my time. I was there with him during the day. I learned to take something to do even when they weren’t planning to keep him in case they did. And I got very efficient at packing, having some travel items that were always packed.
My saving grace was being in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method® program. I would make a point to be on the training calls and I managed to make it to most of my in-person trainings. The exception was after breast cancer surgery when the surgeon told me I was not to travel. My herdmates are a caring group of individuals who would reach out from time to time to check up on me. And I now knew the horses were bringing peace and harmony into my life.
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Onward!
