As fall closes in it’s starting to get cold at night. It’s nice to not have to try to beat the heat when I’m out working with the horses. They seem to be enjoying the cooler temperatures as well. It has gotten cold enough a couple of nights that I’ve used the heater/fireplace in the master suite that I said I’d probably never use. And I have turned the heat pump to heat instead of cool although it hasn’t been running very much. Despite the beautiful sunray streaming through my window this morning, the cold has crossed my boundary.
On Friday the young man who is renting my pasture came to get his bull saying he didn’t want him to wander. I’m thankful because a bull wandering off would have been hard on my fences. Apparently, they don’t have much respect for boundaries. Like some people.
My son has a friend who doesn’t respect his boundaries. John was at work for two days in a row and his friend kept calling and texting him. After telling him repeatedly that he was at work he finally put his phone in his locker.
The next week when they were getting ready for the Air Supply concert he kept calling as well. John handed his phone to his boss and asked her to tell him she had taken it because he was on it too much. When I asked why he didn’t put it in the locker again he said that he needed to carry it because not everyone had headsets and could communicate with him.
A herd of horses kept safely off of the highway by a fence.
John is very kind and needs to work on his boundaries. A lot like his father he has trouble saying no to almost anything.
Horses are great at helping people establish boundaries. They will push them until you tell them to stop. My gelding Zandy Parr was good at that. He didn’t like to change leads when he was at a certain speed. He would change at the two reining speeds – fast and slow. When it came to the Hunter speed that was in between he would rather not, and I let him get away with it. So, we would often jump a fence out of the wrong lead or from a cross-canter. He was balanced enough that he could do that where a lot of horses wouldn’t be able to. The time I took him back to the trainer I had gotten him from he told me I was letting him get away with it. I couldn’t deny it was the truth.
Patty can also push boundaries. Some days when it’s time to come in from the pasture she will not let me approach her or will move off when I do. So, I push her away and it doesn’t take much time before she lets me put her halter on and, sometimes reluctantly, goes with me.
Yesterday I must have been having trouble with the boundaries with both her and Ace as they were both pushing mine when I brought them in. I was thinking about something else, and Ace was practically on top of me as I led him to his pen. Patty, at first, didn’t want to be caught and then she was trying my patience as I took her out the gate and to her pen. It didn’t help that one of the other mares also seemed to want to push her and I was worried that she would get out the gate. All reasons you need to be mindful around horses and set firm boundaries.
John doesn’t have much experience with horses. The other day I had him lead Patty in. I think this is something I’ll do more of with him and we can talk about setting boundaries. Kind of a mini-Gestalt session.
Are boundaries troubling for you? Do you need some help establishing them and holding them? Come out and let the horses show you how to set boundaries. Click on the button below to schedule a free exploratory call.
Don’t Fence Me In. An older version by Gene Autry. A 1990 version by David Byrne as a tribute to Cole Porter.
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Onward!
