I donāt even know where to start this week.
Wednesday, June 27 I was celebrating finishing chemo complete with a glass of champagne. Now Iām grieving the loss of my husband.
Mike fishing in Washington.
It started on Tuesday, June 26. I took him to the Emergency Room in Colby because of severe pain. Heād had severe pain in what he thought was his esophagus for several weeks. We had just worked out a plan with the Gastroenterologist at KU Med Center the week before to see if we could find the cause of the pain. But today, it was so severe he couldnāt stand it.
They told me when I called the office that his doctor had been called to the ER to tend to a car accident and if we went to the ER we would probably have to wait several hours.
We really didnāt have to wait in the waiting room very long and he was checked in at 5:30 pm. It appeared they only had one patient left from the accident.
They did an abdominal CT since this pain seemed to be a little lower than his esophagus. It was a busy night in the ER even without the car accident. At least five patients came in while we were there.
They gave him something for the pain and some fluids. When the CT results came back there didnāt appear to be much there and his labs were about normal for him. The provider in the ER was thinking of letting him go home but checked his temperature first. It was 102.5. So, he checked with his normal doctor who said heād like to keep him because things could deteriorate quickly with him.
Mike and Hans
I came home to get his TPN, so he had some nutrition. This would be my third trip to Colby that day. And I got home around 1:00 am.
I had an appointment in Hays at 10:15 am the next morning with chemo to follow and at about 9:00 pm I had called my parents to see if one or both could go along because whether Mike stayed in the hospital or not I didnāt think he should drive because of the pain.
Dad took me to Hays for chemo and we got home mid-afternoon. I did a few things around the house, had a sundae at the Dairy King, and headed back to Colby to see Mike before dinner with my family, bell choir practice, and feeding my horses.
He was grumpy (fairly normal when he was in the hospital) but otherwise seemed fine. He had told me that he would be staying until Saturday. One of his PICC lines was plugged and while I was there a nurse from the Specialty Clinic came to try to unplug it to no avail. I left him there thinking I would return Thursday and spend some time with him.
Thursday morning, I got a call from the hospital around 8:30. About 3:00 this morning he started having severe respiratory problems. We were able to alleviate that, and he told us not to call you. About 6:00 this morning the respiratory symptoms got worse. Weāre going to intubate him and fly him to KU Med Center. You need to get here as soon as possible.
Mike watching John at a golf tournament.
She said it usually took about 40 minutes to get the plane there, so I threw some things in a bag and John took me to Colby around 9:00.
When I got there, they were trying to stabilize his blood pressure. It was low, and his heart rate was high. It was about an hour before the flight crew arrived and they spent another hour trying to get him stable enough to fly. We loaded into the ambulance just before 11:30.
Shortly after takeoff, he coded. I watched as the flight crew started CPR along with suctioning fluid out of his lungs. They got his pulse back twice and we were rerouted to Hays.
The chaplain met me at the door and took me to a private room just off the ER waiting room and we talked. I called my dad and while I was talking to him the doctor came in. He didnāt make it he said. I called my dad back. I didnāt want to tell the boys over the phone would he talk to them. All three of them, Mikeās sister, and my dog came to Hays to pick me up.
Mike with a salmon he caught in Washington.
After 5 Ā½ years of being his caregiver, that role is complete and Iām feeling a little lost. Iāve already been back to KU Med Center to see the radiation oncologist and have the next phase of my treatment planned. I do have to say the trip wasnāt the same without him but as usual, Iāll pick myself up and go on.
I danced with Mike to Jessieās Girl
on my 18th birthday.
Onward!Ā The second phase of treatment ā Radiation.
Make a Connection in the comments below.
With tears in my eyes lots of big hugs and prayers!! And as always you got this!! You are so strong and such an inspiration!! Love ya!!!!
Thank you, Stacy. And you’re right – I’ve got this.
Oh Susan,
What a year you have had… I should say youād be feeling āa little lost.ā I just want to come and hug you!! Sending Angels with blessings of peace and comfort for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your story. You sound good and are a real trooper to move āonward. ā Many people are not that courageous. You are amazing!!
Bless You! Love, Lindsay
Thank you, Lindsay. I was talking w/ my therapist a few years ago and he told me that I’m the strongest person that he knows. I went back the next time and told him I was tired of being strong and was there another option. He said I could be a victim to which I said thanks but no thanks.
I appreciate being able to read your thoughts, Susan. Because we werenāt able to be at Mikeās service, it has not seemed as real that he is really gone. This made it very real. Our thoughts and prayers have been with you and will continue as you face the future in Godās hands. We send our love. Marthana
Thank you, Marthana. It still doesn’t feel very real to me either and I’m living with it daily. But I’ve heard that is a natural stage of grief so at least I’m normal in one way.
Susan, I am so sorry for your loss. I enjoy reading about how things are going with your treatments. You are such a strong woman and will carry on, no matter how hard things are. Prayers for fast healing.
Thank you, Lisa. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other and “just keep swimming.”
Thinking of you daily Susan. Youāre an inspiration. So so sorry to her about Mike. Thanks for sharing. ā¤ļø
Thank you, Tracee.
You don’t have to be strong right now – let others take care of you for a change! Love to you dear Susan.
Ok, Ok, if you insist. Seriously, I have gotten better at it. Thank you!
Oh Susan Iām so so sorry. This breaks my heart. I wish I could take your pain away. I know you have to stay strong to survive. Please know itās ok not to be. If you need someone to scream at or cry with you know Iām here. Love ya girl. šš»šš»šš»šš»š©
Thank you, Deanna. Love you too!
Thank you for sharing this. I am his relative in Indiana. Heard he had passed but no explanation. I am sorry for your loss and that we never met
I was enjoying his facebook page and hoped we would meet again. May God comfort you on your loss.
Thank you, John. I have to ask what your middle name is? You and our youngest son share your first name and his middle initial is R also.
Susan both you and the boys have been through so much. You are a strong and courageous woman with a large amount of support through family and friends. Take time to cherish the good times. Mike knew you āgot thisā. Hugs and prayers to you.
Thank you, Betty. And I know, that’s why I’m continuing on w/ treatment without delay. He had made it clear that he would be unhappy w/ any delays in my treatment.
Susan, I have been sitting here for over an hour and I just can’t put my thoughts together or into words. You know we loved Mike but we also became in love with You and your family. Mike taught Andrew so much. Sheila and I pray each night for you and the boys and will continue to do so. I will see you before to long, I have some unfinished work.
Thank you, Brad. I will be starting radiation on July 23, unless they hear from insurance tomorrow, in KC. So I will move there at least during the week. No hurry on the work.
Iām so sorry I couldnāt make it to the funeral to help celebrate Mikes life. I couldnāt get family, job and the airline to come together to make it so I could come. I was only in Kansas for one year but Mike became a lifelong friend. People come and go through life but the ones that leave a hole in your heart in passing are the ones you treasure most. My prayers are with you
Jim,
I understand completely – it’s a long way on short notice. Know that he treasured you and I have some great memories of our time in ID and in the truck with you as well. So glad we were able to stop in and see you when we were going through to WA. If you’re ever back in the area please let me know.
Much Love,
Susan
Susan; I think of you daily! Your strength throughout your cancer journey has amazed me. Iām so very sorry for your loss! I really even donāt know what to say! Will continue to keep you and John in my prayers. Look forward to seeing you as the boys begin their last year of HS!
Thank you so much, Rhonda. It was very nice of Wyatt to come and offer his support to John before the funeral. Looking forward to senior year adventures as well.