Finding Harmony, One Step at a Time
Joy can be elusive when you are caring for someone. It often comes in brief moments that need to be savored.
I can explain this by comparing it to an experience when I was learning to ride hunter/jumpers. My instructor said at first, I was going for moments of the horse doing what I was asking. The moments would become longer until the horse and I were in harmony, and it was more of the moments than not.
Unexpected Words of Gratitude
One time when Mike was an inpatient at KU Med Center they came to take him to radiology. It made more sense to me to stay in his room and work on what I was doing so I didn’t go.
When they came back the guy made some remark about me. Mike’s response was she takes pretty good care of me. This was something he wouldn’t have said directly to me. I had to hear it through him talking to someone else.
Mike with a salmon he caught in Washington.
That wasn’t new to me. When I was 29 and pregnant with our second son he had a major asthma attack. He wouldn’t talk about it with me. I think he was afraid to scare me. It had been serious, and I had been out of town. I learned more about it by listening to him talk to his buddies.
Another moment of joy was when my son’s girlfriend had a sound project she was working on. Mike was an avid fisherman. They took us to Clinton Lake near Lawrence. She took her sound equipment. The idea was to get him to tell some stories with the sound of nature in the background. It was a beautiful morning.
Creating Meaningful Memories
A little bigger moment was when I took him to Merritt Reservoir in Nebraska. He had a friend who was going, and he wanted to go to fish for muskie.
Even though he had a feeding tube and wound vac Mike wanted to join his friend on a fishing trip. Something I helped him do.
This was during the first time he had the mobile wound vac because he had an incision that wouldn’t heal. He was going to wound care on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I had a Gestalt training that week from Monday to Thursday. I told him I would help drive him up when I got back.
He went to wound care on Friday, and we started the drive around noon. I didn’t realize the drive would take over four hours. We got there in time to have dinner with his friend.
Mike fishing in Washington. He was truly in the moment.
When we’d gone to Washington fishing a few years before he’d insisted that I get a license so I could go out on the boat. I assumed I’d get to go on the boat this time as well to take pictures. That wasn’t the case, I didn’t have a license.
He and his buddy went out the next day and I spent most of the day in the cabin. Then Sunday morning we helped pack up and headed back to Oakley.
This is a time I’m grateful that I made the time to help him make this trip a reality.
I would also meditate to keep myself present and mindful while we were together. There were times I would be meditating in his hospital room during morning rounds.
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Onward!
