Recently I was having some resistance to doing something. About a week after I had reluctantly done it, I figured out why. I was feeling shame.
Not that I was feeling shame about doing it but feeling shamed into doing it. I consciously did not want to do it but felt that I would feel shame if I didn’t. So instead of standing up for my reasons not to do this, I caved in.
This is a different type of shame than we feel when we keep something a secret. However, keeping it a secret is part of this since I didn’t stand up and stay true to myself.
Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough. Brené Brown
This is about a feeling of being judged by others if I did speak up or just didn’t do it.
Why did I feel such shame around this? It was what everyone else was doing. I had an objection to it but wanted to fit in. I wasn’t strong enough to stand up for what I believed in, so I complied because I didn’t want to feel like the others were being judgmental about my not doing it.
It all goes back to feeling like I don’t fit in. (Funny I didn’t realize I had talked about Brené Brown in this prior post until I checked the link.) Like there’s lack in my life, that I’m not enough.
This can show up as resistance to do something. I feel shame around my procrastination sometimes. This or that should be done but then I get distracted by something else, busy work or research.
Hey, that’s why this post is a day late. I was doing research around the topic. Really, I was just having trouble sitting down to write it.
I remember a time several years ago when I felt a coach was shaming John into doing something that he felt he couldn’t do. I was furious, my mama bear came out. I didn’t really step in and the issue was resolved between the coach and John. But I must admit I lost some respect for that coach that day.
We see shaming all the time even down to shaming our pets. I try not to do this, but I’ll admit I’m sure I have.
My fear that I’m not good enough will rear its ugly head and the shame will set in. So, to stay out of shame I will have the horses help me set an intention and set up some ways to stay out of shame.
How does shame show up for you?
If you’d like to see how the horses can help you connect with me here.
Onward! Birthdays And Blessings
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