​Last week when the technician was taking me to the secondary ultrasound room, we passed the ICU room. This is where I watched as they stabilized Mike before they put him on the air ambulance to KU Med Center. My whole body reacted. The technician thought I was going to pass out, I think.

The aftermath of an ice storm.

That morning of June 28, 2018 I was getting ready to go to Colby to see Mike and for a checkup with my primary care doctor who was just back from maternity leave. The woman who called from the hospital told me that Mike had started having trouble breathing around 3:00 am but wouldn’t let them call me. They put him on BiPAP and he seemed to get better.

Around 6:00 am they intubated him. It was now a little before 9:00. She said I had about 40 minutes before the flight crew got there so I could fly to KU Med Center with him. I quickly packed a bag and asked John who had just gotten back from swim team practice to take me to Colby.

The University of Kansas Medical Center sky walk.

When I got there, he was sedated and unconscious. They were pushing fluids to raise his blood pressure. I talked to him a bit then went into the other room, so I wasn’t in the way. I watched as they worked on him for an hour before the flight team arrived. Then they all worked on him for another hour before taking him to the ambulance that would take us to the airport.

Before we reached cruising altitude his heart stopped. (You can read more about that here and here) We were rerouted to Hays Medical Center where the ambulance rushed him to the ER. After a short time, the doctor came and told me he was gone.

A Geyser erupting at Yellowstone Park.

About six months after that I went by Hays Medical Center for the first time. I’d been to the cancer center which is attached to HMC but never by the main entrance. I had the same feeling in my body as I drove by. Then in September 2019 I went with a classmate to visit another classmate at HMC. This time I reacted when we pulled into the parking lot.

Watching as they tried to save Mike was obviously very traumatic for me. It’s created a reaction in my body just as it can for someone who has had physical trauma. Any type of trauma can cause a post-traumatic response.

You might feel like what you’ve experienced was not traumatic or not as traumatic as something else you’ve heard about. Trauma comes in all shapes and sizes. Don’t dismiss something that has happened to you.

I’m sure I’ll get to work on this as I get into more of my Gestalt training. If you’d like to find out more about how the horses and I can help you connect with me here.

And about the ultrasound results – I’m to undergo more testing. I’m waiting on KU Med Center to call to schedule it.

No matter what the trauma You’ll Be Okay.

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Onward! When Caregiving Ends