I need to have a confrontation with hope. Last week some things in my world blew up. Along with many days of high winds John had a health crisis.
On Monday we took him to the emergency department after he had at least three seizures. They ran a battery of tests and found his white blood count to be very high. He didn’t have a fever, although he was going from hot to cold at warp speed, or really any other symptoms. He was altered from the seizures but that is to be expected. They ran a virus panel that was all negative. So, they admitted him to administer IV antibiotics.
I got back to Oakley that night around 12:30 am. This is when I fed my horses. And needless to say, Dalila was very happy to see me after being in the house for more than 12 hours. Yes, I have people who would have put her out for me, but I was too involved in what was happening to call anyone.
A project John and I did to help with brain building.
A little of that may have been my own trauma around the emergency department in Colby. I hadn’t been back there since Mike had died. I’d had no reason to go. When I got a little stressed, I would get up and pace the hallway.
I think we’ve gotten John through the crisis but he’s still having memory problems. This is where my intuition comes in and I’m going to follow it. I’ve thought for quite a while that his seizures were emotionally charged and every scan and EEG that they’ve done has been normal.
So, I’m going to take things into my hands and follow my intuition. One of the women in my Gestalt Coaching Method cohort has been studying the somatic body response to trauma. The flight, fight, or freeze response.
John was 12 years old when we pulled him out of class and told him I was taking his dad to Hays to see a doctor, and I didn’t know when we would be back. I also wasn’t sure what he was to do after school because his grandparents were in Texas. Then for the next five and a half years, he was the one at home during all those trips to see doctors and hospital stays. Sometimes we’d leave saying we’d be home in two days, and it would be a week or more. Sometimes we’d leave directly from one of his school events. One of Mike’s hospital stays was almost three weeks. And we had trips to Denver, CO, The Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, MD Anderson in Houston, TX, and mostly to KU Med Center in Kansas City.
These are formidable years in a child’s life to have his life be in such as state of not knowing. He took me to the hospital when they were flying Mike to KU Med Center the last time because I didn’t want my Jeep stuck in Colby. He was 17 at the time and told me later that if he would have known it would be his last opportunity to see his dad, he would have come in with me. Within the last year he told me that every time we left, he worried that he wouldn’t see his dad again.
This is why I’m going to follow my intuition and take him to Hawaii to work with my colleague. To see if they can get some of those emotions that are trapped inside him released. To see if she can help him get his body to have another response to trauma.
This is what Gestalt does. It releases emotions that get trapped inside us to help us move forward with our lives at a higher level. Would you like to explore what Gestalt with the horses can do for you? Connect with me here for more information.
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Onward!
