I never felt like I was connected in western Kansas. There have been small ways that I fit in. I loved Mike and had a connection with him. I feel a connection with my bell choir group. Overall, I always felt like an outsider.
During one of Mike’s hospital stays at KU Med Center when they removed the stint they had put into his esophagus and placed the feeding tube I was feeling stressed and was rushing down to the gift shop to see if they had some dark chocolate. His surgeon saw me going through the lobby and stopped me. He asked me how I was doing. I said something about Mike being stubborn. No, he said, how are you doing? Then he told me that when I got home, I needed to go out with my friends. I responded that I had no friends that I felt comfortable doing that with that were close enough. He said then get on the phone with them. He wanted me to get some support and get out of the caregiving role if only for a moment.
Roulette gives me a head toss. One of the Gypsy Vanner’s at Little Bit North Ranch in Colorado where a lot of the EGCM training takes place.
This was before I was in the Equine Gestalt Coaching® program. From the moment I stepped foot on Melisa’s ranch I felt welcomed and formed deep connections with the other people there.
I had followed a man on a Harley with classic rock blaring in. He parked near the garage and was talking to another man who I found out later was Melisa’s husband. I must have looked dazed and confused because they approached me. The biker guy gave me a huge hug. Then the other man did too. They were complete strangers. This was highly unusual for me.
These young horses are figuring out communications in the herd.
I discovered why as we sat in the circle for the opening of the Core. Everyone checked in with vulnerability. Everyone was there to learn and do their personal Gestalt work. We were herdmates and we got to know each other well.
As I got into the flow of the Core I discovered the compassion that everyone shared. Some regressed into childhood. Others got out their anger at a particular person or situation. While some had conversations with loved ones that they weren’t comfortable having with them. It was beautiful and touching.
A nugget that I have taken away from my Gestalt training is that there is a tribe of people for everyone. People who can form lasting connections. I feel even more disconnected in western Kansas without Mike. I’m hoping to make more connections in eastern Kansas where there are more people who choose the same discipline of riding that I do.
I’ll be starting a Caregiver’s Circle once I get settled. If you are or have cared for someone join us to find your connections. Connect with me here for more information and join my Connection list to keep up to date on specific dates and times.
Make a Connection in the comments below.
Onward!
