Especially this time of year our lives feel hurried and harried. Do we have everything done for the holidays? Do we have enough money? At other times it may feel like you’re snoring your way through. Not getting enough done.
For the four holiday seasons before Mike’s death, I was grateful knowing that he was there with us. Especially the last one. He had a feeding tube for a little over two years before that. That summer it had been moved four or five different times because his body wouldn’t heal around it. That area would grow larger, and he wouldn’t use it because it hurt. Add to that that the incision spot also wouldn’t heal, and they would send him home with a wound vac and our summer had been very stressful.
Even though he had a feeding tube and wound vac Mike wanted to join his friend on a fishing trip. Something I helped him do.
During that time, he wanted to go fishing with a buddy in northern Nebraska. This was not a trip he could make himself at this point. I had a Touched By A Horse Core early that week and couldn’t take him. So, I made an offer. I would help him drive up on Friday, he would have one day to fish with his buddy, and we would return on Sunday. This was my gift to him. It was the last big fishing trip he took.
Also, at this time we were working to get his esophagus dilated enough so he could eat again. We were working with a nutritionist to be able to get him enough calories to be able to stop using the feeding tube. He was having dilations about every three weeks so his food wouldn’t get caught and he could eat.
On December 22 we both had appointments at KU Med Center. I had surgical follow-up where I was told that the cancer had leaked into my lymph nodes. This jumped me two stages from where they thought I was and meant aggressive chemotherapy. After my visit, we went to see Mike’s surgeon about his feeding tube. At that point, Mike hadn’t been using it and hadn’t been taking much by mouth as it burned too much and asked the doctor to take it out. So, he did, right then. Mike’s next appointment in a few weeks was another dilation and that surgeon wouldn’t work on him because he was malnourished and dehydrated. He was admitted and put on IV nutrition.
Mike wouldn’t have been able to take this fishing trip to Lake Merritt if I wouldn’t have gone with him. Savor every moment with your loved ones.
Our last six and a half months together were spent with me having chemo treatments, him on IV nutrition, and frequent trips to KU Med Center for dilations and visits with the nutritionist. We also managed to fit in many of John’s high school activities. Not the most peaceful of existences. It was what was needed right then, and I have no regrets.
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Never Been Any Reason not to find your peace.
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Onward!
