A great relationship with another person starts with having a great relationship with yourself. How does that work you ask?
When I started the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method program I was three years into caregiving for Mike. Shortly before he was diagnosed there was much strife in our marriage. Then I started listening to him, he felt heard and started listening to me. I’m not sure I would have been able to be his caregiver without that having happened.
While I was in the EGCM program I learned so much more about myself. How I related to myself and communicated with others. A method to help discover the parts of myself. The good, the bad, and the ugly parts and how to have the best of me show up for any situation.
I formed a stronger relationship with myself and caregiving for Mike became less stressful.
I learned that the way I see the world affects how I communicate and the filters that communication comes through to me. And understanding this helped me to see how my communications may have been breaking down with Mike and others.
Although I didn’t have Mike take the Temperament Test, I’m pretty sure he was the opposite of me. I remember a time early in our relationship when I wanted him to put some hooks under the cupboard to hang coffee mugs. Where do you want them, he asked? Under that cupboard I said. No, specifically, where do you want each one, he asked? So, they don’t hit each other I said. I looked at things as a whole and he saw the details. I didn’t want to worry about those details.
I’ve heard it said that you have to have one person in each relationship to organize the closets. In our relationship that person was me although closets were not my specialty. Mine had to do with organizing calendars. I would put everything on them and now that we carry around small computers, I have reminders for everything. I’d tell Mike when I wanted to leave for an event, and he’d show up at that time wanting to take a shower before we left. It drove me crazy.
Whenever someone called him to make a medical appointment, he’d refer them to me. I was the keeper of the calendar. When I first took the Temperament Test, I thought it must be wrong, I’m not organized. Then a few months later we were talking to a surgeon’s office and they said they would see if they could get him in the next week on Thursday. I hadn’t heard them by Tuesday, and we had 350 miles to drive to get there. I was getting anxious not knowing if we were to drive across the state to see this surgeon, so I called. I was told he was on the schedule and they would call the day before and tell us when he needed to arrive at the hospital. That was all it took, I needed to know that we would be going.
Once you know how you process information it’s much easier to understand yourself and how you relate to others. When you can figure out how they process information your relationships become stronger.
If you’d like to see how the horses and I can help you get to know yourself better connect with me here.
You Don’t Know Me, I’m getting to know myself.
Make a Connection in the comments below.
Onward!
