How do you experience growth? I see it as disruptive. It disrupts my comfortable life to grow.
I was away at a workshop over Mother’s Day weekend. A workshop that I believe will help my Gestalt practice grow. This was also shortly after John had been hospitalized and was having memory problems. So, I made sure that he was comfortable with my leaving. John met me when I got home with a gift and a card with beautiful sentiments about how much he appreciated that I had taken care of his dad and am now taking care of him.
I feel like his life wasn’t very stable when his dad and I were traveling to medical appointments. Sometimes we would leave thinking we’d be home in a few days, and it would be a week or more.
When I took Mike to Hays the first time we went to the school (he was 12 and in the 6th grade) and asked them to call him out of class. We told him that I was taking his dad to Hays (90 miles) to see a doctor. Even I didn’t realize that he was to be admitted to the hospital at that point. I told him that I wasn’t sure when we would be back or what he should do after school and that we’d let him know.
This was the start of five-and-a-half years of this for him. We tried to be at his functions. Sometimes we’d leave from one of them to get to an appointment. Sometimes I’d get home late and get up early to take him to a swim meet. There were times when our intention was to make it home for something and then wouldn’t.
In his junior year, Mike was hospitalized the day after one of his golf tournaments. He had the league tournament on Thursday of the next week. Mike was flown to Kansas City on Sunday because he needed a transfusion and had built up antibodies so he needed treated blood and it wouldn’t arrive soon enough.
Mike watching John at a golf tournament.
When I got to Kansas City Mike was in the ICU. The pulmonologist that he saw in the clinic was on call that week, so I had already talked with him. He thought he’d be there for a few days then we’d be able to go home. I had chemo on Wednesday in Hays – should I see if I could get it there, hope that we’d get at least back to Hays, or cancel altogether. I made arrangements to have it there.
On Tuesday night they moved Mike out of the ICU and into a regular room. When we talked to the doctor, he saw no reason that Mike wouldn’t be released the next morning so we could drive back to John’s league golf tournament in Hays.
Then Thursday morning getting ready for discharge the nurse did something that compromised his PIC line and we had to wait until it could be replaced. We waited for hours and didn’t get back for the golf tournament.
That’s the way life was for all of us until Mike died the summer between John’s junior and senior years in high school. John recently told me that every time we left, he didn’t know if he’d see his dad again. I believe this is the cause of his seizures. His body is seizing when he’s overwhelmed with fear or stress. I see this as his body telling him there is something he needs to change. So, I’m taking him to work with a Gestalt colleague who also does somatic bodywork.
Back to the Mother’s Day card. One of the things John said was that while I have been taking care of others, I’ve done so much to improve myself through my Gestalt training – a huge awareness for a 21-year-old.
Has your life been flat? Would you like to grow in new ways? Do you freeze when confronted with stress? Come visit with me and the horses. We can help you learn more about yourself. Connect with me here for more information.
Fear can be overwhelming.
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Onward!
