Why is it so Hard When I Know it is Part of Owning Horses?

This is a blog post that I wrote in December of 2012 for a project I was working on then. The experience with A Runaway Sue was my last in the Quarter Horse Racehorse breeding business. Partly due to the money involved. Partly due to losing this mare. I gave up on it. I still have three mares from this breeding program and have promised them they have a home forever. I love them and interact with them daily along with my two Equine Gestalt Partners.

I’m closing down the site where these are hosted so in the next several weeks I’ll be moving them to the blog at ConnectionAndSynergy.com.

I lost my best mare last week. She was the last foal out of my grandpa’s great mare Ala Secret Sue who was the dam of Raise A Secret. I’ve never had much trouble with horses having colic and this year she had five bouts since late June. Two mild cases that we treated her for at home, one that she went to the local vet clinic for a short stay, one in late July that we made a night march to K-State for a short stay, and last week when I made the very tough decision to have her put down. These racehorses are a business, so why do I let myself get so emotional about them? I don’t know why but this seems to be the hardest I’ve been hit by the death of one of my horses.

A Childhood Friend

I know it’s part of owning them, horses just don’t live as long as we do. I used to joke that I would have my childhood horse, Reed Man, until one of us died. My grandpa had raised him and gave him to me when he was 2 years old and I was nine. He got very ill when he was 14 and I was 21. I could barely watch as they treated him it hurt so much. He had neurological damage and I had to have him euthanized.

He had been my best friend as a teenager, the one who would always listen and the keeper of my secrets. I had shown him in every Western event in 4-H horse shows even though he excelled at pole bending and barrel racing. I rode him in speed events in AQHA and KWHA shows and high school rodeos. I was learning and teaching him how to jump when he died. This was my pet; he had never been considered part of a business. And my fiancé proved himself to my mother in the way he handled the death of my beloved friend.

Grandpa’s Great Mare

Ala Secret Sue was in my care when she died. She had abscesses in both her front feet and the vet said he hoped she would be able to make it until she foaled. The vet had helped Ala Secret Sue foal and the filly, A Runaway Sue, was very small and he wasn’t sure she would live. But that baby was determined to live.

Ala Secret Sue died when she was about three weeks old. She had been up and looking well the evening before when I had fed so I was surprised when Mike came in and said that she had died during the night. Maybe this was easier because she didn’t belong to me or maybe it was because I was more prepared. Either way she was the mare that Grandpa had named after me and finally didn’t sell and she was my responsibility at the time.

The Loss of  Another Friend – But An Easier Way

Zandy Parr was my amateur show horse and the first horse that my children rode, he was family. He had choked twice in his later years and had tied up many times when I was showing him or even when it got too hot or cold as he aged. We had traveled to horse shows in Arizona, Colorado, Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, and of course Kansas together. We sometimes battled to see who was the tensest in the show ring and he frustrated me because he didn’t want to change leads – and yes, some horses can jump from a cross canter. He was just that balanced. He was the first horse that I took to the World Championship Quarter Horse Show and the one that I tried to qualify the next year even though I was pregnant and had a limited time to show.

All seemed well with him, at 27, when I went out to feed one morning and found him dead. I was saddened by his death and I miss him a lot but it was much easier to have him pass, seemingly peacefully, in the night.

My First Winner and Best Broodmare

Less than a week later Easy Secret Sue, the last living foal of Ala Secret Sue that Grandpa had bred, had been acting colicky for a few days. A trip to the vet and some blood work showed that she was in liver failure.

She was one of the horses that I had bought from Grandpa’s estate. She was the first horse that I owned that had won a race. She had chipped late in her three-year-old year and came home to become a broodmare. She produced two foals that ran speed indexes over 100. I was proud to own and breed her but I had decided a few years before that she would not carry any more foals because her balance wasn’t good and I didn’t want her to get down and not be able to get back up while she was in foal.

The last foal she had was a filly and I kept her as a replacement. Although the vet said we could reverse her liver failure it would be a reoccurring problem and at 21 years old we said our last goodbye.

What Has Made This So Hard?

Why then has this week been so difficult? It’s not like I haven’t been through it before. Is it because my husband was out of town? But my 22-year-old son stepped up in ways I didn’t know he would. Is it because I had raised her and expected to have a few more foals out of her? Do I feel like it is an end of an era? She was the last foal out of a great mare, Ala Secret Sue, that grandpa had raised and named after me and the only two foals she produced that have gone to the track had won over $100,000. I wanted her to follow in her dam’s footsteps and be my star broodmare. I guess I will have to wait a little longer for the next great Secret!

Wind Beneath My Wings.

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Onward!