A young horse learning some boundaries.
How are you at setting boundaries? I’m not so good. It’s interesting I’m better at setting boundaries with my horses and dogs than with humans. When I was younger those things were reinforced. In my life with people, I was taught to be flexible. Adjusting to make people happy. To be a people pleaser. I hate when someone asks me to do something that either I don’t want to do or is not convenient for me. Then I immediately start thinking of ways I can accommodate them. Or how I can make everyone happy.
I’ve seen that this comes directly from my mom. She gets in that mode often. I remember it most and this is where it shows up for me as well. When we took family vacations. The year between my freshman and sophomore years of college we took my boyfriend on a road trip to California. He was into dinosaurs, so we took in some of those experiences as we traveled west. He was a competitive powerlifter and the entire trip had been planned around his training schedule. He wanted to work out at Gold’s Gym in Venice Beach, so it was planned that we’d be in the area on a training day. Then mid-trip he decided he needed to change his training schedule. So, what did we do? We changed the itinerary of the trip to accommodate his schedule. He couldn’t have waited until we got back to make those adjustments.
Or on any family vacation trying to make everyone happy with eating choices. It can be infuriating to have someone who doesn’t like a certain food or restaurant or who doesn’t want to try something that is outside their comfort zone.
I have also been known to ask what people wanted me to cook for dinner instead of having a meal plan and if that wasn’t what they wanted they could figure it out.
If you don’t set boundaries with horses, they may literally walk on you. They need to match your pace and stay at a respectful distance. Often, we let them follow on a slack rope and that’s fine when they respect that.
When I’m bringing Ace and Patty in from the pasture sometimes it can be hard to keep them from trying to get a bite of grass. There are times when I’m fine with them stopping to graze a minute like when it is a long walk, it’s hot, and I need to take a break. It must be my choice. When I’m closing the gate if they don’t want to wander further then the lead rope will let them comfortably. I don’t want them pulling or pushing me – period.
Horses are great at helping people learn to set boundaries. Until you’ve set them, they will not back off. It may feel uncomfortable to the person.
How are you at setting boundaries with the people in your life? Would you like to see how the horses show you your boundaries and where they need to be strengthened? Click the button below to schedule an Exploratory call.
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Onward!
