My mother has always said that I am a poor decision-maker. One time when I was little I wanted two stuffed animals. My parents told me I could only have one, but I couldn’t decide so I didn’t get either. I’m not sure if this was an inability to decide or a manipulation technique. But still, my mother says I’m a poor decision-maker.
Decisions – How do you make them?
In the Touched By A Horse® training we take a temperament test. The test tells us about our personality. One of the areas is how we make decisions.
Through the years when I have struggled with decisions I have weighed everything out and thought it through. But I can tell you the decisions that I have been the happiest about are the ones that I felt in my heart.
And that’s what the temperament sorter told me. I should make decisions with my heart or my gut.
As I approached my treatment plan I weighed surgical options. I have always leaned to the non-invasive side of medicine. So, by the time I talked to the surgeon and oncologist at KU Medical Center I was leaning toward the less invasive lumpectomy.
When the surgeon told me, the outcome should be the same either way and choice was mine and not all women had that option. I almost immediately said the lumpectomy was my choice.
When I was first diagnosed I made a point not to talk to breast cancer survivors. No one is the same and what worked for one may not work for another. I didn’t want anyone to cloud my decisions about my treatment.
A huge moment came when both the surgeon and oncologist at KU told me my pathology results after my second surgery. They had found cancer in four lymph nodes, so I would now qualify for staging studies.
Earlier I had asked about the studies because I wasn’t sure how long my mammograms had been wonky. I was told then as well as after pathology results showed that it had spread that doing the studies might limit my treatment.
The decision was clear to me. We would go for curing the breast cancer. If it had spread hopefully the treatment would take care of that as well. After all, I’m going to learn what I need to know from this cancer, wrap it up and give it back to the universe. There is no other option for me.
When I make decisions from my heart there is only one path to follow.
As I have talked to the doctors I feel like I have made all the right decisions for me. Do I wonder sometimes when I see an article that makes an outrageous claim about cancer and treatment? Of course, I do. Do I think I’ve made the wrong decisions in my treatment? Not in the slightest.
Now I’m a Believer in my decisions as long as they come from my heart.
Onward. Do I Ever Ask Why Me?
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