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Muddy legs and shoesThe weather is starting to improve, and the temperatures are barely freezing even at night. Now I have mud to deal with. I donā€™t know if I just had things set up so I didnā€™t have to deal with mud in Oakley or if itā€™s because my dry lot is on a slope here, but Iā€™ve noticed that I seem to slip around much more. Last summer I slipped and fell in the mud. So, I prefer frozen ground to the sloppy boot pulling off mud.

In the last few weeks, a lot of memories have come up. This is part of the reason I was feeling ill-prepared to be alone here a few weeks ago.

Memories of a Blizzard

I told John about a time when Mike and I were first married. We had back-to-back blizzards. The drifts were so high they changed the draft pattern and the pilot light on the furnace kept going out. Mike went out and walked on the snow to get on top of the house to move the snow.

He couldnā€™t get to one of the pastures to check the cows. So, he rode one of his horses. Then Joker came back without him. This was before cell phones, so we had no way to check on him. I think his dad was getting ready to walk out to try to find him and Mike turned up. It seems Joker had gotten overly excited about going home and had dumped him.

man, hay, and cows

Mike feeding cows in March 2007.

Memories of What He did for Me

I had heated waterers in Oakley. They very rarely froze and when they did Mike would go thaw them out and fix them if needed. I donā€™t have someone who is so readily available to help here, and I havenā€™t gotten to know who to call to fix things.

Mike was a do-it-yourself type. Heā€™d repair things himself rather than pay someone to do it. Heā€™d make things work as long as possible.

Mike was the one who would get me hay. Both bringing it to my place which was on the edge of town and putting the large bales in for the horses. I knew how to run the skid loader, but it wasnā€™t really big enough to move those bales and I preferred that Mike do it. When he died, I relied on Charlie to do those things for me.

Just the other day I was telling someone about how Mike had completed several projects around our house in the two months or so before he died. I have several projects here that Iā€™d like to have him do.

Man fishing

Mike fishing in Washington. He was truly in the moment.

His Love of Fishing

When I first started looking at property it didnā€™t escape me that some of them were close to lakes, and one had a stocked pond right off the back porch. Where I am now is only a few miles from Lake Perry. Mike could spend much more time fishing here.

These are some of the things I think about that can bring up grief. They can also bring a smile to my face remembering the times we had together. And even though he didnā€™t understand my need to have horses in my life that didnā€™t contribute to the farm he helped me with them. He also didnā€™t understand the Equine Gestalt Program that I was in and several people have told me how proud of me he was.

Grief comes in many forms. Join me for Grief Connections, a safe sacred space where you can explore your grief and how to move forward with it with people who understand. Click the button below to schedule a no-obligation Zoom to see if itā€™s right for you.

Always On My Mind.

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Onward!

Susan is a lifelong horsewoman, a Master Equine Gestaltist, an Equine Assisted PlayShop facilitator, a breast cancer survivor, a reluctant caregiver, a photographer, and a metal artist. She has a BA in Communications and works with doctors, caregivers, and patients through the Equine Gestalt Coaching MethodĀ®.