When you’re grieving there is an emotional strain above mourning your loved one. Grief can be overwhelming. Then add to it all the things that change in your life. You may need to take some time and discover your own identity.
When Mike and I got married I became a farmer’s wife, then a mother. There were times when I felt like I had lost my identity. I at least had some other identities to fall back on. While I was caregiving for Mike, I had a new identity. We formed new relationships with his doctors and nurses.
One time the pulmonologist’s office was supposed to have sent some tests to the hospital in Colby that didn’t get through. It was in the afternoon and the person who was checking him in and looking for the orders tried to call KU to have them resend them. I think I gave her the direct line to the nurse. She said she had left a message and her experience had been that they might return the call the next day. I said, I’ll call, we’ll have the orders. And I was right, we were able to have the scan done that day.
Another time the thoracic surgeon said he was driving his kids to Colorado to see family and he’d like to stop by and meet my horses. There was another surgeon that Mike got into a discussion with about fixing up the surgeon’s old Ford truck. These are the kinds of relationships that we formed with his providers.
When Mike died not only did I grieve him, I grieved the loss of those relationships. After all, I wouldn’t have any reason to go back and see those people. I was also lost because what had become so familiar to me had been taken away. I wasn’t taking care of him anymore. Not arranging schedules. It felt as if there was nothing to do.
I was fortunate to have a loving community within the Touched By A Horse® herd even though they are spread throughout the world. People would call and check on me. One of my fellow Equine Gestalt Practitioners offered to coach me once a week to help me through. That relationship has grown into coaching each other and we recently decided to talk once a quarter.
Relationships are an important part of the grieving process. It helps to have someone who has gone through it. I met a woman through bell choir who lost her husband about six months before me. We have become great friends and support for each other.
There are also going to be those people who don’t understand. Although they mean well, sometimes the things they say don’t help. Or they don’t know what to say and it’s awkward. You may isolate yourself because you don’t want to be in those situations, or you don’t want to bother someone. It’s easy to become socially isolated.
I’m offering a virtual group called Grief Connections. It will be a safe and sacred space where you can lean on others who are grieving. You can be with people who understand. Although we may still not know the right things to say we can be there for you.
Click the button below for a no-obligation Zoom to see if Grief Connections might be a fit for you.
Make a Connection in the comments below.
Onward!
