The dog is watching the tinsel as I sit drinking my coffee with cookies. She’s funny that way, anything that makes a shift in the light. I’m preparing for family to arrive soon.
The winter holidays can be stressful. Families don’t get along. They have grown up with past traumas as trivial as they might seem.
My two oldest sons are barely on speaking terms. I’m not sure about everything that caused it. I do have some inclinations. For my dad’s 80th birthday party, there was a photographer there. We were taking family pictures and John (the youngest) had placed himself between them. My brother’s girlfriend kept trying to get them to stand in birth order. I kept telling her it was OK to have John between them they were in the same room after all. My oldest was upset that day already. My nephew had chosen not to come, and Charlie said I hadn’t given him the option.
Almost every time I get together with my brothers something comes up about their childhood traumas. The younger of the two is quite ornery. He would goad the oldest into arguments. The oldest was an avid reader and cherished his books. One time when they were arguing the younger one took some of his books into another room, locked the door, tore some paper, and told him he was ripping pages out of them. Something they still talk about today. And I used to play a good game of lets you and he fight.
Family dynamics can be difficult especially if there isn’t an agreement on politics or religion. It’s best not to talk about them. Then there might be someone who doesn’t fit in, the black sheep. Or maybe there is someone who is difficult. It might be best to steer clear of talking about them and accept them for who they are at least on this occasion. After all, there is nothing that can be done to change them.
Maybe you don’t agree with how someone is raising their kids. This is not the time to tell them what they are doing wrong or give them advice.
And nothing is going to be perfect. If you are hosting let this notion go. The reason you are getting together is to be with family not to kill yourself to put on the perfect meal in the perfect house. Relax and enjoy the moment in all its imperfections. You may laugh about them later.
My mother used to spend a month before my sister-in-law came to clean the house because my sister-in-law didn’t approve of my mom’s lax housekeeping. I remember telling her that was my sister-in-law’s problem she didn’t need to kill herself getting the house ready when she wouldn’t approve anyway. Then she would get up so early to get the perfect meal prepared that she was out of energy when we were all starting to have fun. That doesn’t seem too enjoyable to me.
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All I Want For Christmas Is You.
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Onward!
