What if curiosity—not judgment—is the key to seeing ourselves and others more clearly?
When we make observations with curiosity instead of judgment, magic can happen.
That thought has been staying with me.
The other evening, I was watching 60 Minutes, and there was a segment about Ted Lasso. During the interview, a quote from the show was mentioned and now it has become a favorite of mine:
“Be curious, not judgmental.”
Such a simple sentence—and yet it has the power to change the way we experience ourselves, our relationships, and even the world around us.
Observation Changes Everything
Photo credit: Roderick Bloom
When we observe through the lens of curiosity, something shifts. Instead of immediately deciding what something means, we begin asking questions. Instead of assuming we already know the story, we become open to discovering it.
Curiosity creates space. Judgment closes it. That difference may seem small, yet it can completely change the outcome of a conversation, a relationship, or even the way we see ourselves.
When Judgment Feels Normal
Growing up in a small town, it often felt like everyone knew everyone else’s business. Whether that was actually true didn’t always matter. It could feel as though you were constantly being watched, evaluated, or judged.
Living in that kind of environment can quietly plant seeds of shame. You begin wondering what people think instead of asking yourself what is actually true. Over time, many of us become so accustomed to judgment that we begin judging ourselves before anyone else has the chance.
Choosing Curiosity Instead
Imagine hearing a piece of gossip about someone. The easy path is to believe what you’ve heard or quietly pass it along. Curiosity offers another option.
What if, instead, you went directly to the person and gently asked what happened?
That kind of application isn’t always easy. Sometimes it can feel like pulling off a hangnail—briefly uncomfortable, even a little painful. Yet on the other side of that discomfort is often clarity.
There may be a misunderstanding. There may be a story no one else knew. Sometimes there is healing simply because someone felt seen instead of judged.
When we choose curiosity, we communicate something powerful: I care more about understanding you than assuming I already know.
That kind of response builds trust. It also creates the possibility of a deeper relationship because the other person knows you’ve chosen to listen rather than assume.
Maybe Curiosity Saved the Cat
Last week, a friend at Toastmasters gave a speech titled Curiosity Saved the Cat. I smiled the moment I heard the title.
We’ve all grown up hearing the saying, “Curiosity killed the cat.” What if we’ve had it backward all along?
What if curiosity is actually what saves relationships? What if curiosity is what saves understanding? What if curiosity is what saves us from creating stories that were never true in the first place?
When Curiosity Has Been Denied
For many people, curiosity wasn’t encouraged. Some of us spent years having our questions brushed aside or our feelings dismissed. Others learned that asking questions wasn’t welcome.
There are certainly seasons—especially in childhood—when information is appropriately shared on a need-to-know basis. That can be wise and protective.
Yet many adults are still carrying the message that their questions don’t matter. That their experiences don’t deserve exploration. That parts of themselves should stay hidden. In many ways, curiosity has been denied.
When that happens long enough, we can lose touch with pieces of who we really are.
Curiosity Is Where Rediscovery Begins
This is one of the reasons I believe curiosity feels like magic.
Curiosity invites us to pause before reacting. It encourages us to notice rather than assume. It opens the door to compassion—for others and for ourselves.
Most importantly, it helps us rediscover the parts of ourselves we’ve overlooked, hidden, or forgotten. Every part has a story. Every part deserves to be seen with kindness rather than criticism.
Perhaps that’s where healing begins—not by having all the answers, but by becoming curious enough to ask better questions.
Discover the Kaleidoscope Within
If you’ve spent years defining yourself by your responsibilities, your roles, or other people’s expectations, perhaps it’s time to become curious about who you are beneath all of that.
Discover the Kaleidoscope Within—Having the Courage to Connect with Every Part of You is a six-week virtual PlayShop designed to help you reconnect with the many parts of yourself—the parts you’ve relied on, the parts you’ve protected, and the parts that are quietly waiting to be rediscovered.
Through guided reflection, meaningful conversations, and experiential exercises inspired by Gestalt principles, you’ll learn to approach yourself with observation instead of judgment, curiosity instead of criticism, and compassion instead of shame.
Healing doesn’t begin with becoming someone new. It begins with becoming curious about who you’ve been all along.
If you’re wondering what it might look like to reconnect with the many facets of who you are, I’d love to invite you into a conversation. Click the button below to schedule a complimentary Zoom call, and together we’ll explore whether discovering your kaleidoscope within is the right next step on your journey of rediscovery.
Every story needs a soundtrack.
This is the one I’ve chosen for this post—sometimes because of the title, sometimes the lyrics, sometimes simply the feeling it stirs in me.
Instead of a song this week I’m going to put a link to the clip from Ted Lasso where the quote comes from.
