The habits we barely notice may be shaping the identity we live from—and the results we create.
A couple of years ago, I was in a group that met with businesses in Wichita. I think it was in our last session that we were asked how we put on our socks and shoes.
Sock, sock, shoe, shoe.
Sock, shoe, sock, shoe.
Interesting that almost everyone in the room said sock, sock, shoe, shoe.
This question brought to mind the episode of All in the Family where Archie and Mike (Meathead) have this conversation.
I answered by saying that most days my shoes are at the back door because they might be muddy or have something on them that I don’t want to come into the house. I would put on both socks before I went to the door and put on my shoes.
Recently I’ve noticed that when I have both my socks and shoes to put on at the same time, I automatically go to right sock and shoe, left sock and shoe. That must be my habit.
This has gotten me to think about habits and how we are affected by them. Most of the time, we don’t even notice them. We simply do what we’ve always done.
We Are More Habitual Than We Realize
I was in a book group for Be the One by Justin Prince. One of the principles of the book is that most people have uphill goals and downhill habits.
That hit me.
We can have big dreams and meaningful goals that require us to stretch, grow, change, risk, or become something different. Yet we can continue operating from the same familiar habits that have always felt comfortable. We want one thing, while our habits are quietly taking us somewhere else.
I have a lot of dreams and goals that have had mediocre results. Were they truly unattainable or was my commitment lacking?
That’s a question I’ve been sitting with.
Maybe the goal wasn’t the problem. Maybe some of the habits underneath the goal were.
It’s much easier to decide something isn’t possible than it is to look honestly at the ways we may be participating in the results we’re getting.
The Limitations We Learn to Live With
Do I have the limitations that I have set on myself, or could I rise above those and create the outcomes I want?
Some limitations are placed on us by other people. Some come from circumstances we didn’t choose. And some are limitations we have gradually accepted as part of who we are.
For me, how my identity holds me has a lot to do with my worth.
I tend to feel like I don’t know enough or my education isn’t enough, and I search out new learning opportunities. Learning is a wonderful thing, and I genuinely love learning. Yet I can see how this can hold me back because I’m always striving to learn “enough.”
What if I never reach enough?
What if the belief that I need to know more before I am ready is actually keeping me from stepping fully into what I already know?
The Habit Beneath the Story
Susan (Ohmart) Bloom & Carol Ann (Socolofsky) Ohmart win first place in Lead Line
This is a habit I developed in childhood.
I do enough to get by. End of story.
It wasn’t just a habit of behavior. It became a habit of identity.
If “enough” was the goal, I didn’t have to risk finding out what might happen if I really tried. I could stay safe. I could stay comfortable. I could avoid discovering whether I was capable of more.
Maybe you’ve done something similar.
Maybe your habit isn’t about learning. Maybe it’s procrastinating, overcommitting, people-pleasing, staying busy, playing small, waiting until you’re completely prepared, telling yourself you’re not ready, or taking care of everyone else first.
Sometimes we create uphill goals while maintaining downhill habits.
And then we wonder why the results aren’t what we hoped for.
Looking Through the Kaleidoscope
This is one of the reasons I created The Kaleidoscope Within.
We all have different parts of ourselves. There is the part that dreams, the part that protects, the part that doubts, the part that wants to be seen, and the part that learned how to survive. There may be a part that says, “Don’t get too big,” another that says, “You aren’t ready yet,” and another that quietly whispers, “There has to be more.”
None of those parts need to be shamed or banished.
Instead, we can become curious.
Where did this part come from? What is it trying to protect? What does it believe about me? What does it believe about my worth? And is that belief still serving me?
When we become willing to look at ourselves with curiosity instead of judgment, we begin to see that our identity isn’t necessarily a fixed definition of who we are. It can be a collection of stories, experiences, beliefs, roles, and habits that have formed over time.
And if something was learned, perhaps it can also be reexamined.
Perhaps it can change.
What Are Your Habits Creating?
So, I’m asking myself some questions—and maybe they’re worth asking yourself, too.
What goals do you have? What are your self-imposed limitations? Where are you getting mediocre results and assuming the goal is the problem? What habit might be contributing to those results? What story about yourself sits underneath that habit?
And perhaps the biggest question is this:
Is the identity you’re living from the identity you want to carry forward?
You don’t have to change everything at once. Maybe you simply start by noticing.
Notice how you put on your socks and shoes. Notice the things you do automatically. Notice the places where you say, “That’s just how I am.”
And then get curious.
Because sometimes the smallest habits can open the door to some of our biggest discoveries. And sometimes, finding your way forward begins with realizing that the person you have believed yourself to be isn’t the only version of you that’s possible.
What If There’s More of You to Discover?
If you’ve found yourself wondering who you are beneath the roles you’ve carried, the expectations you’ve absorbed, and the habits you’ve developed along the way, I’d love to invite you to Discover the Kaleidoscope Within—Having the Courage to Connect with Every Part of You.
This six-week virtual PlayShop is an opportunity to get curious about the many parts of who you are—the parts you’ve relied on, the parts you’ve hidden, and the parts that may be ready to step forward. Through guided reflection, meaningful conversation, and experiential exercises inspired by Gestalt principles, we’ll explore identity, values, beliefs, and the stories that shape the way we see ourselves.
You don’t have to arrive with all the answers. You simply need to be willing to get curious about what might be possible.
If you’re ready to explore your own kaleidoscope and discover what may be waiting within, click below to schedule a Zoom with me. We’ll talk about where you are, what you’re hoping to explore, and whether Discover the Kaleidoscope Within is the right next step for you.
Every story needs a soundtrack.
This is the one I’ve chosen for this post—sometimes because of the title, sometimes the lyrics, sometimes simply the feeling it stirs in me.
Instead of a song this week, I’m going to put a link to the clip from All In The Family that inspired this.
