I have a troll standing on my shoulder telling me I don’t know enough, I’m not educated enough. This is not a cute little troll like we bought as kids. This is a mean, ugly, Three Billy Goats Gruff troll.
We all have trolls who give us messages like this. They create limiting beliefs, usually, in childhood, that keep us from stepping into the person we are meant to be.
I’ve spent years hiding behind a camera instead of letting people take my picture because I thought I was too fat. Photo credit: Roderick Bloom
I spent a year and a half in the Equine Gestalt Coaching® program before I figured out where mine came from. Then in a flash during a trollectomy for another student, it came to me. I had a teacher who put me in a janitor’s closet because I didn’t have my work done.
For a stubborn little girl, this didn’t help get the work done. What it did was leave me with a feeling of not being smart enough. This has created a barrier to my starting new ventures.
I have always been amazed when people ask me about horses and then say you know so much about them. Or when someone asks me a question about photography and responds in the same way. I’m better than I used to be about this, I realize that I know more than some people. I also know that I can never know everything about a subject and I’m always willing to learn more.
Why then do I feel that I don’t know enough to start new ventures? It’s because I have that troll standing on my shoulder, yelling in my ear that I’m not smart enough or I don’t know enough.
I also tend to jump into things before I’m ready. I get excited and email someone with a question or set something up then I feel like I don’t know enough or that I’m not prepared enough to have an intelligent conversation with them. Or I’m talking to someone who is very eloquent at speaking about a subject and feel like I’m still in high school.
So, instead, I get paralyzed to do anything.
The trolls keep us hiding behind masks.
I have two sons who feel like they aren’t good writers. I know one of them has gotten praise from one of his teachers about his writing but still, he struggles. The other one has a mindset against writing and doesn’t think he can pursue more education because he would have to take English and write.
These trolls tell us we’re not good enough, not smart enough, not talented enough, not pretty enough, etc. You get the picture.
We are exposed to many people in our lives. Now with social media more than ever. Most people tend to post their best stuff on social media, so we judge our lives by their standards. It leaves us feeling inadequate.
Keep telling your troll that you are good enough. Set boundaries with people who tell you-you’re not good enough. And don’t judge yourself by their social media posts. That just feeds your troll.
PS: (I don’t want to edit the original post because that would be allowing my inner perfectionist to take over.)
After reading this my third son pointed out that he thought he was terrible at writing and is now pursuing writing. Which brought up that I also didn’t like to write, but I’ve been writing a weekly post since December 12, 2017, with the exception of a couple shortly after Mike died.
My writing began as Mike was going through his illnesses. He wouldn’t let me publish it. His medical journey along with mine as a caregiver and patient are what has encouraged me to write and share my thoughts. There is more to come.
What is your troll telling you?
If you would like to investigate how to have a trollectomy contact me here.
Remember, you’re amazing Just The Way You Are.
Onward! A Reluctant Caregiver
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