Trust The Process Metal sign that I made.
Sometimes I lose trust in myself. I know I can do something, and my confidence dwindles until I forget. This is when I need to trust the process.
It’s like my starting to ride again. I have only ridden a handful of times since I was pregnant with John. My life was being pulled in so many different directions it didn’t feel important enough. Then I found myself working, caring for Mike, and without horses that were trained.
Now I have a horse to ride, and I find that I don’t have the trust in myself that I used to have. Ace seems to have some pain in his back, and I don’t want to further exasperate that and it’s more than that. After more than 20 years I find I don’t have the confidence that I once did. Which seems a little strange because I have confidence in other areas of my life. Getting on this 17-hand horse that I don’t know very well seems daunting.
I grew up riding horses. In fact, some of my first memories are of riding. Riding with my aunt at the college rodeo in Manhattan and riding my pony. Then I graduated to a little bigger pony that I kept across the road from where we lived. I would go get her and ride around town, usually bareback.
When I was nine years old grandpa gave me my first “real” horse, Reed Man. He was a two-year-old registered Quarter Horse. I showed him in the local county fair at halter and grandpa sent him to be trained under saddle. I got him back the next summer with strict rules to follow. Then again grandpa took him to be trained this time for barrel racing. He also got me another horse, Commander, to ride while Reed Man was in training. I started showing Commander but not in the events that I wanted to show in. He was a pleasure horse and I wanted to show in the speed events.
Susan and Reed Man pole bending at the Kansas State High School Rodeo
When Reed Man came back to me, about the same time Commander had an injury, I was allowed to do the speed events. I also rode Reed Man in Western Pleasure and Horsemanship classes where he wasn’t very competitive. I finally got another horse, Smokey Joe Leo (Smokey), when I was about 14 to ride in Western Pleasure. Smokey was beautiful but not very competitive. I was very competitive with Reed Man though and that carried me through. I discovered High School Rodeo where Reed Man and I were competitive in the speed events and we traveled all over the state. My senior year he started hitting barrels and poles – he was lame. I learned to alleviate his pain with corrective shoeing and continued.
Riding Smokey Joe Leo in a Parade. Photo by Richard Ohmart
Then in college, I discovered jumping. I had always wanted to try it but there wasn’t anyone here who could help me. I jumped Reed Man, grandpa gave me a new horse Linda Kristin and eventually bought me Zandy Parr. Zandy would become my amateur hunter/jumper in AQHA shows. We showed from Arizona to Missouri and we qualified for the AQHA World Show.
Then I started having kids. I said I would keep riding after I had children and I did for a short time. I think the last time I showed was in July of 1994. Roderick my second child was born in August of 1993. I kind of kept riding and would go help Tina show my other horse, Kitacruise aka Tom, but I haven’t shown myself since.
Zandy at a show in Rifle, CO. Photo by J bar D Photography
I had a young horse at home that I was getting ready to start on barrels when I found out I was pregnant with John, and I pretty much quit riding then.
Now I find myself with a horse I can ride – one of the kindest horses I have known – and without the confidence to get on him. Partly because I think he’s hurting, and I know I won’t bounce as well as I used to. I also know I need to get my confidence back.
Is your confidence waning? Would you like to get it back? The horses can help (and you don’t have to ride them). Connect with me here for more information.
I Won’t Back Down from this challenge. Will you?
Make a Connection in the comments below.
Onward!
