Expectations. How does it feel when someone puts expectations on you especially if you don’t know what they are, and you don’t live up to them? What about you putting expectations on others, are they clearly spelled out? How does it feel when someone doesn’t live up to your expectations?
In my marriage, I often put expectations on my husband without his knowing it. And usually, he didn’t live up to them. How could he when he didn’t know what they were?
He would tell me he’d return in a bit. His time frame didn’t match mine and I was often upset with him because he was gone so long. Or I expected him to see something that needed to be done around the house and he didn’t do it. He would have if I asked him to, but I expected him to know it without my having to ask.
I remember one time when he asked me to do something and then expected me to follow up with something else. I only did what he had asked. Our conversation went something like this. He asked if I had done what he asked. I said yes. He asked if I had done the follow-up task. I said no, I didn’t know that was needed. He explained it was logical that I should follow up did I need him to draw me a picture? I responded, apparently so. These misunderstandings caused a lot of strife in our marriage.
Our lives are filled with expectations. We have expectations at work, at home, and within our social circles. One of the expectations we have is to fill up our time – to be busy. We may work all day and come home to family activities we’re expected to fulfill. They pull on us from every direction.
I don’t know if it was expected of them by administration, but I always had mixed feelings when Mike’s doctors would call or email at off hours. I remember when a surgeon called me at 8:00 pm and apologized for his kids in the background. I wanted to apologize to him for his feeling that he needed to call me when he was home with his kids. Another one told me when he was on vacation, he would check email after the kids went to bed. I wanted to tell him he was on vacation, someone else could take care of those emails or they could wait.
When I was growing up my dad was the only doctor in our rural county. He was on call 24/7. He had to hire someone to come in and cover his practice and the hospital when he went on vacation. This was before email and cell phones, so he was really on vacation from his practice – it was in someone else’s capable hands.
I also remember a time when we went to my cousin’s wedding, and he was torn because he had left a pregnant woman in the capable hands of the locum tenens doctor and her baby had been stillborn. I’m sure he wouldn’t have been able to change the outcome had he been there. He felt bad nonetheless.
I also have e friend who tells a story about when her first daughter was born. She was close to delivery and had an appointment that day. It was my brother’s birthday and he told her he was going to go to Hays (90 miles) to celebrate his birthday with him. He felt comfortable doing this as she didn’t seem to be that close to delivery. She did deliver that night. His partner delivered her daughter.
As a patient and caregiver, I appreciate that the doctors return emails and calls after hours or while on vacation. I also hope they don’t feel like I expect it. I’m fine with them taking some time for themselves and their families and I hope they will. Making ourselves too available can be detrimental.
Do you feel like expectations from work and/or family are weighing you down? Would you like to feel more balance in your life? Connect with me here to see how the horses and I can help.
Expectations can wear us down.
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Onward!
