I hate this whole “women can be sexy at fifty!” narrative. At what age will society stop demanding I try to be hot and just let me turn into an old swamp witch, as nature intended?
A friend posted the meme to the right on FaceBook a few weeks ago. My response was that the operative word is “can”. We can but we don’t have to if we don’t want to.
It’s brought up a lot of feelings for me. Why do we feel like we have to live up to the expectations of society?
As someone who’s 50+ (I know a big shock to all of you that I’ve told I’m 29 all these years) I’ve struggled with body image my whole life.
I Always Felt Like I Was Fat
I was chunky as a child. It was a huge disappointment to the high school basketball coach that I didn’t grow over 5’7” to be his center as my brother had been for the boys’ team. When I was in about the 8th grade, I had reached my full height. Even though I had also slimmed down a lot I always felt fat. Until a couple of years ago when I saw a picture of me riding when I was in high school. I was actually fairly thin.
The picture that pointed out that I wasn’t fat in high school. Photo by Richard Ohmart
Then I went to college. I met a boy who lived off campus and we would go out to dinner frequently. I think I gained about 10 pounds. He encouraged me to use cocaine to lose that extra weight. I never did. Needless to say, we parted ways.
When my temporary move home became permanent and I married Mike I think I had gained 20 pounds since high school. In looking at pictures then I was still not fat.
I gained about 30 pounds before I had Charlie then got back down to that weight just before getting pregnant with Roderick. After that I kept gaining weight until I got to around 100 pounds since we had gotten married.
I remember the day I put on my show clothes because I was going to a horse show and they didn’t fit. Mike said go get new ones. Do you know how hard it would be to find a hunt coat, breeches, and boots and how much it would cost? I didn’t show after that.
I was just getting ready to start riding a young horse that I had when I got pregnant with John. I haven’t ridden more than a handful of times since then.
Then without even trying I lost 20 pounds. That felt great but I didn’t keep losing. I remained static.
Picture taken by Roderick Bloom shortly before I started treatment.
The Effect Caregiving and Breast Cancer Had
Then Mike got sick and I had never had so much stress in my life. It seemed too hard to worry about my diet, so I didn’t. I managed not to gain any weight through all that, thankfully. I was walking twice a day to feed the horses (about a half mile each way) when I could. When he was in the hospital at KU Med Center there were walking tracks at least on the floors he was usually on so I would walk the equivalent when he was there. I remember telling some of his doctors if I didn’t walk, they would want to refer me to psyche and/or orthopedics neither was an option I wanted.
After I was diagnosed with breast cancer I noticed with each doctor’s visit or treatment that my weight was going down. It wasn’t because I got sick or lost my appetite. Actually, they would give me steroids prior to treatment, and I was ravenously hungry for a little over a day so I would eat. I lost about 20 pounds during that time.
When I was done with treatment, I joined a study to see if losing weight and living a healthier lifestyle would reduce the chance of recurrence. Between the time I weighed in and I had my first coaching call I had lost 12 pounds. Again, I hadn’t been trying.
What’s Age Got To Do With It?
No matter your age it’s hard to feel “hot” when you feel like your fat. Especially when we are inundated with images of models and celebrities who seem to have perfect bodies.
Funny thing is since I’ve finished treatment people tell me how great I look. One woman even said she thought I looked 20 years younger. That must be the gray hair, right? Actually, I think it was the weight loss.
The most recent photo I have of myself. Photo credit: June Voldseth
My body’s not perfect. It never was and it never will be. Our society has more important things to think about than how our bodies look. Let’s keep our focus on whether we’re healthy. I know I feel better and have more energy after losing some weight. I also know that it doesn’t do me any good to stress about what I eat.
No matter what your age body-shaming is hurtful. Those feelings of shame we develop around our bodies when we are young carry over as we age. They are hard to shed without help of some kind.
If you’d like to explore how the horses can help you love yourself more connect with me here.
All that matters is that you like yourself. You don’t have to Try to get anyone else to like you.
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Onward! How Are You Staying Centered in a World That has Been Thrown Out of Balance?
