What my horse reminded me about boundaries, resistance, and carrying too much
The Message Beneath the Resistance
It’s been an interesting week with the horses.
Patty had a tick in her ear that must have been incredibly painful. She developed a sore that I’ve been treating with ointment, and understandably, she’s become resistant to anything involving her head. Every time I reach for a halter, she finds a way to evade me.
Last Sunday, she hit me in the eye.
Last night she stepped on the side of my foot.
The truth is, last Sunday had already been a particularly stressful day. Looking back, I’m sure some of that energy came with me into the stall. Horses have a way of noticing what we’re carrying, even when we think we’re hiding it well.
Last night felt different. My attitude was different. My energy was different. Yet Patty still had something to say.
Maybe it wasn’t really about the halter at all.
When Everyone Needs Something
The last ten days have been full.
My son and his family were here for a few days, which meant driving to Overland Park to see Mom twice in two days.
My youngest wrecked his car. That led to more than six hours in the Emergency Department and a very late Saturday night. The next day involved a trip to Lawrence to pick up medication, then taking it to him in Kansas City—for the third time in three days.
None of these things are unusual. This is what families do for one another.
Yet somewhere in the middle of all of it, I noticed something.
People can bank on me.
I’m often the one who shows up. The one who figures things out. The one who keeps things moving when life gets messy. The one looking for the silver lining when circumstances become difficult.
And while I’m grateful to be that person, I sometimes forget that even the strongest bank account can become depleted if there are only withdrawals and no deposits.
The Cost of Always Rolling Forward
For most of my life, I’ve been able to keep rolling.
As a caregiver for my husband. As a mother. As a daughter. As a friend. As a business owner.
Keep going.
Keep helping.
Keep finding solutions.
Keep being strong.
There is value in resilience. There is value in showing up when people need us.
Yet there is also wisdom in recognizing when we’re running on empty.
Sometimes what looks like resistance from a horse is actually a signal that something needs attention.
Perhaps what feels like exhaustion in our own lives is a signal too.
Not a sign that we’re failing.
Not a sign that we’re weak.
Simply a reminder that we have needs as well.
Learning New Boundaries
Dalila trying to get Ithaca to play with her.
One of the lessons I’m still learning is that boundaries aren’t walls.
They’re not about loving people less.
They’re not about refusing to help.
They’re about creating enough space to care for ourselves so we can continue caring for others without losing ourselves in the process.
The people we love will still have emergencies.
Life will still happen.
Cars will still get wrecked. Appointments will still need to be made. Family members will still need support.
The difference is learning that we don’t have to answer every need immediately or carry every burden alone.
Even the people others depend on deserve rest.
Even caregivers need care.
And sometimes a horse with a sore ear reminds us of exactly what we’ve been resisting hearing.
Making a Deposit in Your Own Bank
If you’re the person everyone counts on—the one who keeps rolling forward, finds the silver lining, and rarely asks for help—take a moment to ask yourself:
What would it look like to make a few deposits into your own emotional bank this week?
Maybe it’s setting a boundary.
Maybe it’s asking for support.
Maybe it’s simply giving yourself permission to rest.
If you’re navigating caregiving, grief, life transitions, or the weight of always being the strong one, I’d love to support you. Through Equine Gestalt coaching sessions, Zoom conversations, and retreats on our 100-acre ranch, I help people reconnect with themselves and discover that they don’t have to carry everything alone.
Click the button below to schedule a complimentary Zoom conversation and let’s explore what support could look like for you.
Every story needs a soundtrack.
This is the one I’ve chosen for this post—sometimes because of the title, sometimes the lyrics, sometimes simply the feeling it stirs in me.
