For years I’ve struggled with authenticity. I haven’t felt like I fit in here and have tried to figure out just who I really am.

Coaching a client. Photo by Kim Beer Photography.

I’m much more liberal minded than most people here. I’ve always liked wine instead of beer. I have the soul of an artist.

At my first Equine Gestalt Coaching® Core the first work I did with a horse was around this. Am I a country girl or something else?

I never intended to stay in rural Kansas. I planned to get a professional degree, leave, and never look back. That all got derailed when I fell in love with and married Mike.

I tried three degrees and found that neither of the one’s I had chosen were for me. Then I was in the Animal Science program. That one might have worked for me but the relationship I was in went south and I came home. I met Mike and stayed here.

Don’t get me wrong I have no regrets with my choices. I might not have been able to have horses like I do had I followed the other paths.

Ultimately the horse showed me I am the one who loves to work with horses.

We all have many parts of self. The trick is to mindfully choose the part that shows up in different situations.

There are times when we need that tenacious bulldog or mama bear to show up. There are times when we need to have the compassionate mother show up. There are times when we need that listener to show up.

Let’s say you’re having a disagreement with a loved one. Who do you want to show up? That stubborn, tenacious bulldog who won’t let go or the compassionate listener who can hear the other person’s point of view?

Whether I’m on either side I want the reasonable person to show up. Someone who I can have a conversation with and not feel like I’m being attacked.

Let’s take it one step further. Let’s say you’re talking with a doctor. How do you want the doctor to show up? I’d like the person who listens to what I’m saying and digests it. I also want the doctor who can answer my questions in a way I can understand and not get upset when I have more questions if I don’t understand. I also don’t want to feel like the doctor is talking down to me.

Mike with a salmon he caught in Washington.

As the patient or caregiver, I want to show up as the person who can answer the doctor’s questions and feel comfortable asking questions. Someone who respects the doctor’s position but is comfortable feeling like I don’t know everything, and they might not either.

I feel like Mike’s and my experiences with the doctors were so positive because we both had enough experience with doctors on a personal basis that we didn’t see them as super-human. It was also easier to see them this way when they would share little tidbits about their lives outside of medicine.

There were doctors who would share fishing stories with Mike. There was the surgeon who was interested when Mike was talking about his uncle’s pulling pickup, watched a video, and told us about his grandpa in India who used oxen to pull. There was the doctor who often, even though he wasn’t on hospital duty, would come talk with us.

The trolls keep us hiding behind masks.

They were showing us an authentic side to their lives and it allowed us to form real connections with them. Showing us that authenticity might feel vulnerable to them, but it is what allowed us to see them as humans.

I feel like that connection is important in health care. It’s important to the patient’s health. It’s important to the medical professional’s wellbeing.

How do you show up in stressful situations?

Connect with me here if you would like to see how the horses and I can help you improve your authenticity.

Sometimes The Stranger we think is showing up is our authentic self.

Make a Connection in the comments below.

Onward! Connection Goes Both Ways