I believe grief lasts a lifetime. That being said, I don’t expect to grieve all the time for the rest of my life. It comes in small, sometimes unexpected, waves. Something reminds me of Mike and makes me cry or sends me down memory lane.
Mike fishing in Washington.
Last weekend I went to the Touched By A Horse® Summit. The people in the TBAH Herd are very loving and it’s a very safe space. I cried often and sometimes at strange times.
What I didn’t expect was to have my grief triggered before I even got there. This was the first time I had been to the TBAH Campus since my last CORE and Graduation. Mike and my parents had come to graduation and in the last few miles, those memories came flooding back.
Mike hadn’t told me but someone he had been talking to recently told me how proud of me he was for this accomplishment. If that’s the case I would have loved to have him see me make this dream come to fruition. But that was not to be. I think that’s why my grief was triggered a few miles before I got to the ranch.
Sometimes I know what the trigger is, other times I have no idea. Music is a very important aspect of my life and there have always been songs that trigger something in me. I have never been able to hear Don’t Take The Girl by Tim McGraw without tearing up. So, if you’re with me and a song comes on that reminds me of Mike don’t be surprised when I start crying.
Besides Mike and my dad, the most influential man in my life has been my grandfather. He died when I was six months pregnant with Charlie, our first son. I can remember being in such shock all day then when we got home, and Mike was out talking with someone the floodgates opened.
Charles Socolofsky with Raise A Secret, a stallion that he raised.
After Mike’s death, I didn’t feel like I had any alone time, there was so much to do. One of the things we had done many times over the last four years was go to KU Med Center for appointments. I had scheduled an appointment with the radiation oncologist on the Monday after his funeral. I feel like there were many people who didn’t think I should go to that appointment alone. I felt I needed to because having him with me on those drives was one of the things I was going to miss. I didn’t feel any of that until I passed by the farm about six miles east of town on the way home. (You can read more about that here)
If you’re grieving don’t let anyone tell you that you are doing it wrong. You’re not.
Grief takes its own form in all of us. One of the things that has helped me the most (although I haven’t done this with Mike yet) is to be coached through the grief process by an EGCM coach and their partner horse.
My most memorable piece at a CORE was a grief piece around my grandpa. The student coach was stepping up for her first coaching session. It was beautiful, and I left feeling like grandpa was supportive of the path I had chosen. It brought me much peace.
It’s only been a few months and I’m sure I have much more to experience. While spending time with my horses will be a huge part of this I know there will be many more. One such experience was at Summit. Melisa introduced a song from the TV show Nashville called A Life That’s Good. I will forever hold it close to my heart and cry when I hear it.
As I try to live A Life That’s Good my hope for you is that you do too.
Onward! Being In The Moment
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