Fluently! I also speak Socolofsky. The combination of the two is my native tongue. What’s yours?
These young horses are figuring out communications in the herd.
Several weeks ago, a friend was leading a bible study and she said “I speak Swart”. And then went on to explain that her language is based on how the people around her as she grew up talked.
She also pointed out how this can cause difficulty in relationships, especially marriages. Because we speak a different dialect than the other person. How brilliant I thought.
I know that different communication styles caused problems in my marriage. One time shortly after we were married Mike asked me to do something. When I had completed it, he asked if I had then done something else. No, I said. To which he responded, do I need to draw a picture? Yes, you do. You see we communicated in different ways.
Communications has come up for me several times in the past few months. I’ve shared with many people something from Brené Brown’s book Dare To Lead. When speaking of communications, she says “Clear is kind”.
Communication is not about the number of things you say, Susan, know that it is about the number of things that are understood.
Clearly,
Wisdom
Touched By A Horse Daily Wisdom Message
I feel like a lot of people around here skirt the issue. They don’t ask direct questions and they aren’t clear. I believe they think they are being clear, but it’s not clear to me so there must be others to whom it is not clear either.
This mama is cautioning the calf about getting too close to her newborn calf.
I often correct my boys when they ask if I want to do something. It only matters if I will do it not if I want to do it, I tell them. Ask “will you do this?” not do you want to. It is much clearer.
Several years ago, I was talking with one of my instructors at Fort Hays State University. We were talking about virtual classes and how you had to be self-motivated to get the most out of them. I said that I struggled with them. He said his wife was very good and expounded on how she did it. Then stopped himself and said he wasn’t saying anything negative about me. What I heard him say was that his wife was good at this and nothing about me. This often happens to me.
People often think others will read something into what they are saying but I hear what people say. If they skirt around an issue or try to be kind by not being direct, I will misunderstand.
I will often say here’s what I heard meaning it may not have been what the communicator intended. When communicating we need to remember that there is a lot of noise that our message needs to get through.
One of my mares ready to help you.
By noise, I mean the receiver’s perceptions and knowledge as well as any actual noise. The dialect they speak may be very different from yours. Keep this in mind. If you feel like someone doesn’t understand what you’re telling them ask if they do. Better to have a clear communication than a misunderstanding.
Melisa Pearce, Founder of the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method® tells students a story about a woman who was unclear in her communications. She put her in the round pen with one of her horses and told her to ask the horse to do something. The woman tried while being unclear and the horse pushed her to the edge of the pen. When the woman finally got frustrated and told the horse exactly what she wanted he immediately did what she had asked.
This is just one of the examples of how the horses partner in coaching with us. If you’d like to discover how the horses and I might be able to help you connect with me here.
Don’t have a Communication Breakdown.
Onward! The Grief Box
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