OK Universe, I’m listening. I heard this song twice today, it must be a sign.
Mike feeding cows in March 2007.
It’s a beautiful song and it made me think of Mike. I had something else to write about today, but this seemed to be what needed to be said.
Several years ago, I think in the fall of 2010, I discovered a group of entrepreneurial women online. I took a business telecourse through one of them.
In the course, we were urged to do inner personal work. This is when I started meditating and doing some yoga.
I don’t have many pictures of the two of us because I was always behind the camera. At dad’s 80th Birthday Party. Photo by Jessica Dittemore
I would also listen to calls put on by these women that caught my attention. In one of them, the woman was describing her perfect life. She had the perfect job, perfect fiancé, perfect house, and so forth. But she wasn’t happy. So, she gave it all up. The job, the man, the house, and she slept on a friend’s couch for about a year while she discovered herself. She gave up her perfect to the outside life to find her authentic life that was perfect for her.
As I was listening to her, I had an epiphany. I had always been striving for something I didn’t think I had. That perfect life.
“All was right with the world” when Mike was fishing.
At 18 I had planned on getting my education, moving somewhere else, and never looking back. What happened, how did I end up staying in Oakley? I had been struggling with my own authenticity and hiding from my true self. This was the first work that I did at an Equine Gestalt Coaching Method® Core. Was I some other version of myself trapped in the country girl’s persona? It’s not, but that’s another story.
Then I realized that my life wasn’t perfect for anybody else but maybe it was for me. After all, had I moved to a city somewhere I probably would have given up most if not all my horses. And who knows if I would have been happy with my “high powered” career. I had always wanted a family. Would I have been able to spend as much time with my boys as I had?
Mike at home. Photo by John Bloom
That was the beginning of setting me up for what followed. Had I not gone through those calls I don’t believe I would have been able to handle Mike’s illnesses. Had I not been in the EGCM program I don’t know that I would have been able to handle the breast cancer diagnosis.
When my dad was in the ICU and rehabilitation, I often thought there was no way I would have been able to be there for Mike like my mom was for my dad. I heard my mom say she didn’t know how I did what I did for Mike for all that time.
The journey of self-discovery that I embarked on all those years ago was what I needed to help Mike through his illnesses, my treatment, his death, and to come out on the other side with my sanity.
The horses have always guided me. I can remember many years ago going out to the barn when I was terribly stressed and thinking “all was right with the world” when I was there.
The horses have many healing gifts. If you’d like to discover the horses healing gifts, contact me and we’ll set something up.
Find your Perfect.
Onward! Self-Compassion
Make a Connection in the comments below.
